Learning to Breathe
by Blue Quartz
Summary: What happens if the phoenix has no ashes to arise from? An Ami centric fic, including a unlikely triangle. Very dark.
1. Default Chapter

Learning to Breathe  
  
Notes: Blue growls as she tugs on large portions of her hair. I can't take it anymore! Sorry guys but I just had to post, yes a new fic. Again this one isn't connected with either "Frozen Rain" which is in desperate need of an update, or "Kiss and Tell". This fic won't even be really set either during the Silver Millennium, or during the series but rather an AU between the series and the building of Neo Tokyo. Warning this fic will be kind of dark so note the R rating. I don't own Sailor Moon and never will, so stop trying to sue me!  
  
Enjoy.  
  
Chapter One  
  
Illusionary Walls  
  
Peace came from illusions.  
  
From the moment that she had "awoken" she had found that life or whatever this hell was called was best to be handled with gentle hands and an intelligent mind that could override matter any day. She could handle pain; now with years of abuse her skin may have been marred with scars and bruises that won't fade but at least she was sane.  
  
Or at least she hoped that she was.  
  
She would wake up every day, facing the same four walls of bolted steel and a door that only opened if "they" wanted it too. She preferred for that door to stay closed, even though beyond that door meant freedom from these cursed four walls she always had to pay for the freedom with more flesh, more blood.  
  
Every day it seemed as if sanity was becoming harder to grasp.  
  
She shook her head; long black-blue bangs fell into her eyes. No she couldn't give into them.  
  
They hadn't seen it coming. They were living in a peace that they knew wouldn't last especially since they were coming close to some tragic event that would force the Earth to sleep for at least a thousand years before her queen would arise and awake it again.  
  
Crystal Tokyo.  
  
Yes, she remembered now. She now knew that no matter how much it hurt or how difficult the struggle to keep sane was she knew that this wouldn't be the end for her.  
  
One day a utopia was due to dawn.  
  
"But when will that day come?" a voice asked  
  
How?  
  
"How can it dawn if everyone is dead?" was her reply.  
  
Tears fell with a burning sensation as it mixed in with the blood of open wounds.  
  
"Where are they now?" he asked. In truth she had forgotten his name, all she knew was that he was always there, that he had been with her all the time. It was just now that he seemed to regain his voice once more.  
  
Dead.  
  
Was she sure?  
  
Yes, she saw it with her own eyes. They all died.  
  
Was she certain, the shadow asked. He seemed to ask her useless questions all the time now.  
  
Yes, their blood still stained her hands.  
  
But how could she have done such a thing? She was never a good fighter even when she was senshi so how could she muster up the strength magical or otherwise to kill all of them; let alone do such a thing to her friends without becoming insane.  
  
'I am insane!' she thought inwardly.  
  
No, there must be something left to grasp onto.  
  
There was nothing.  
  
"Just leave me here. Let me fade away."  
  
"No! You have to snap out of this! You have to tell me. What happened to the others?"  
  
"I already told you. I killed them."  
  
"Lie! You are lying again!"  
  
Hands grasped her shoulders and gave her hard shake. It was the shadow. He had not only regained the use of his voice but of his limbs as well, or of his arms at the very least.  
  
"Tell me the truth, now!" the shadow man growled.  
  
She was brought up to face him. She tried to turn her head away but he just snapped her neck back towards him; it hurt a lot but if anything she was not going to let him know it.  
  
Emerald eyes that had long since gained a wild almost unhinged look in them glared at her.  
  
If she had the energy she would have muster up enough pity for the both of them. She knew that her eyes wouldn't be wild, but hollow and broken, which is why she smashed the mirror that once hung on the wall. She just couldn't stand staring at her haunted looking reflection anymore.  
  
His face was gaunt, lines that shouldn't be there for several more years lined his face making him look like an old man instead of the boyish looking young man that he was months, maybe even years before. Her body was nothing but skin attached to bone, his body was no better but at least he appeared to have retained some muscle tissue.  
  
Her eyes grew soft, her voice hardly above a whisper, "It is so unfair," her uninjured hand reached to touch his face, gently trying to smooth back the lines.  
  
Again tears prick her eyes, for what reason she did not know. "You look so old," she murmured, before resting her tired head against his shoulder, sobbing quietly.  
  
For a moment her tears distracted him, allowing instinct to take over anger. Arms gently wrapped around her middle; his back leaning against the wall. His mouth uttered soft unintelligible but universal mutters used to soothe the weak and broken.  
  
"That is what we are, we are weak, tired, but mostly broken," she thought trying to keep her mind awake.  
  
"Ami?" the shadow asked.  
  
Ami? Who was this Ami?  
  
She felt his hands brush against her hair, almost as if he was petting a beloved dog or cat.  
  
"Ami are you still awake?"  
  
'That's right, Ami is my name,' she realized.  
  
"Yes,"Ami replied, her voice still sounded rusty from lack of use.  
  
The shadow sighed heavily, his hand dropping from her head to his side. She was certain that if she were to look at his face his eyes would be looking forward, wandering out beyond the door, yet still inside a secret place in his mind.  
  
"The others. Please tell me what happened to them."  
  
Ami grunted, burring her face deeper into the shadow's shoulder, "What's the point? They are all gone."  
  
"I know that. But I can't believe that you killed them," he replied.  
  
Her hands curled into fists, tears were falling like an endless waterfall down her face.  
  
This is why she hated talking to him. He always made her cry. Just looking at him made her upset. She had forgotten when he was first brought into her cell, or if he had been there all along. He rarely spoke to her and she showed him the same courtesy; but every time, they could be talking about nothing; he always made her cry. For no apparent reason.  
  
"Shhh, its' alright. You don't have to tell me now if you don't want to," the shadow replied as he painfully arose, carrying her across the room. She winced in sympathy; he shouldn't force himself to carry her if he could barely carry his own body around.  
  
"Please, put me down before you hurt yourself." Ami protested weakly, but she knew that he wouldn't.  
  
He laid her in the single bed, only a mattress actually, then he laid beside her, his arms encircling her, making her feel safe yet frightened at the same time.  
  
Emerald eyes clashed with dark blue. For a moment Ami closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to shut him out. But while he always made her cry he also made her feel very happy. He was something she could hold onto in these dark days, which seemed to grow dimmer by the day.  
  
His hands found hers, calloused palms met as fingers intertwined together forming a very loose but needful bond. She saw wisps of his long and tangled strawberry blond hair fall across her shoulder sometimes the locks draped across her face causing her to giggle for a second as they tickle her nose. His head rested on her shoulder, she could feel his breath fall across the nape of her neck.  
  
Yes, this was what she needed to remember. Her name, her reason, her mind, and him; these four things would keep her sane, if only she could hold onto them with all of her might.  
  
But at the same time, he wanted to know something; he wanted to know what she was trying to forget. Ironic, she lost his name, the threat that had destroyed everything, even her own name but that one thing kept returning to her, she never forgot it. Everything but that would remain lost for minutes, hours, even days. Her own name had been forgotten for months, since he hadn't spoken it in so long until now that is.  
  
Her fingers curled tightly around his hand, this sudden but subtle movement drew the attention of the shadow.  
  
He glanced at her face, "Are you alright?" he asked, whispering; they always whispered, it seemed as if their own voices feared of becoming too loud. Maybe they would cause something to awake in one or both of them if they spoke louder than horse whispers.  
  
Ami wanted to say yes, to look him in the eye, to lie blatantly that she was fine. It was a lie. An illusion. She had begun to love illusions, they pushed pain away, pushed painful thoughts away.  
  
Her lips trembled, her heart beating loudly in protest. She had to say it; the words were just burning on her mouth.  
  
"What do you want to know?" she asked, this time speaking above a whisper, not screaming, not crying but normal level tone that for once didn't sound afraid.  
  
It was an omen.  
  
Notes: Yes I know that is confusing, as heck but it will get better, trust me! And just in case you are wondering there will be a love triangle but first the dark and brooding stuff has to be taken care of. Sorry if Ami is a bit OOC but as with most of my madness there is reason, or at least a very good excuse. I suppose that all of you know who the "shadow" is but I'll just allow you guys to guess anyway. Until next time, peace ^_^ 


	2. The Blood Sapphire

Learning to Breathe  
  
Notes: This fic was partially inspired by a song called Weapon performed by some artist that I forgot the name of, don't worry it will come to me eventually; so I don't own the lyrics or Sailor Moon so now suing! P.S the lyric is in italics  
  
Here by my side an angel.  
  
Chapter Two:  
  
The Blood Sapphire  
  
Ami shook her head, almost as if she was trying the clear the growing fog clouding her mind. Her hands trembled as she reached for the chain laying in-between her breasts. Cold silver met her touch and arose with the short tug. Pulling the necklace over her head, Ami fingered the pendent for a moment before she opened the shadow's palm and imprinted it into his hand.  
  
He looked down at the object in his hand, picked it up by the chain to get a better look at it. It was a bright red, almost blood, diamond cut stone. At first he thought that it was a ruby, but looking at it closer he saw a core of blue so dark that was so dark it almost looked black.  
  
"What is it?" he asked, this time his voice was louder and clearer than the soft whispers that were normally exchanged between them.  
  
'It's happening already,' Ami mused, only to shake her head free of that thought.  
  
Sighing she allowed her heavy eyelids to fall across her blue eyes.  
  
Her hand sought for his; already mourning the brief loss of human contact.  
  
He glanced at her hand but then clasped it into his own palm; but then he turned his gaze back to the odd looking pendant.  
  
"Ami, what does this have to do with them?" he asked suddenly.  
  
She jerked her head up, away from the embrace of sleep.  
  
Turning to face him, her eyes still closed, she moved her free hand to grab the jewel. Slowly she opened her eyes, at first they were directed at the lose grasp that she and the shadow held on the jewel.  
  
"Everything," she muttered under her breath. She lifted her head to face him; eyes wide open with a fearful gleam in them "It has everything to do with them. This is part of the reason they disappeared, the reason we are.here. Everything."  
  
He chuckled, "I find that hard to believe."  
  
A ghost smile graced her lips, "Oh really, why is that?"  
  
"Because it is just a rock. It is a very pretty rock but."  
  
A delicate finger placed on his lips silenced the shadow; he followed the finger, to the bony hand, the sickly slender arm to the heart shaped face that looked worn but still held onto thin threads of beauty.  
  
"So you are saying to you don't believe that this "pretty rock" could have power?  
  
What about the rock that gave Queen Serenity life, that kept the Moon Kingdom protected, that sent other and myself to a different time to be reborn? Or to hit a little closer to home, didn't the "rock" that you were incased in keep you alive?" Ami replied her voice drawing back into a haunted whisper.  
  
No, I can't go back to being afraid. He wants to know so I can't keep lying.  
  
But even as she thought this Ami could almost feel her courage trembling in the wake of monstrous fear. Her hands grew cold and clammy, trapped between the jagged rock and the shadow's palm. She stared down at the floor, very messy covered with a thin film of dust, the mattress was very lumpy and filled with hole where mice had chew through.  
  
"Ami," the shadow asked. He could tell that she was slipping away. She was trying to escape at the most inopportune moment.  
  
The shadow bit his bottom lip; she was becoming more distant with each second. He had to get her mind back on track before.he couldn't lose her, not after he had waited over a thousand years to find her.  
  
He opened his palm, the rock lying in-between their palms, the tarnished silver chain pooled into a loose coil on the mattress. Suddenly the pale flesh of Ami's hands obstructed his view of the pendant.  
  
"Please, don't look at it." Ami said in a horse, frightened tone.  
  
"Ami," he began but she silenced him.  
  
"It was this damn.rock that killed them!" she suddenly said in a burst of emotion.  
  
Her eyes now watery with tears, glanced at him. Her head hung in disgrace, "I made it." Her voice was soft almost a hiss of breath but it carried like a bellowed echo around the room.  
  
Her grasp tightened around the jewel, "I didn't want to die."  
  
"Pardon?" the shadow asked.  
  
Ami stared at him, her lips trembling; then she dove at him, her arms blindly seeking to warp around his middle. Her head found a spot at his right shoulder. Her tears burned from her face, landing on his worn shirt like rain.  
  
"I didn't want to die," she repeated slowly between cries; her hands twisting the fabric of his shirt.  
  
Not knowing what else to do the shadow held her close to him, his hand that was not holding the jewel stroking her head. "No one wants to die Ami," he started, "It is only natural."  
  
Ami bolted up, "No, no, no, you don't understand! I didn't mean.that is." She sighed and shook her head before nestling her head back at the crock of his shoulder. "You just don't understand."  
  
At this he had to laugh, if anyone was to understand the desire to live it would be him, in less than two thousand years he had died three times only to be awoken as if he had only been asleep the entire time. But on the other hand, he allowed his grip to drop on the jewel leaving it in Ami's hand alone.  
  
With his hand free he traced the bony outline of her face. She was so skinny and too pale. He paused at the tracks left by her tears; she had cried herself to sleep so many times that he wondered if it was the only way that she could fall asleep.  
  
"I am sorry," Ami said softly.  
  
"Don't be," he replied with a smile.  
  
She pulled herself up to sit on the mattress. "I shouldn't depend on you so much." Her hand nervously ruffled long black-blue bangs. "You don't hate me do you?"  
  
He was struck by the abrupt question for a moment, then he smiled again, "Do I hate you for hugging me?" he asked in a teasing tone.  
  
The young woman gave him a cross look and stuck her tongue at him. "No stupid," she growled in the same teasing manner. "Do you hate me for creating." she gave a meaningful glance at the jewel in her hand.  
  
He shrugged his shoulders, "I still have no idea what it has to do with the death/disappearance of the others, but I know that even if you did destroy them with your own hands; which I still seriously doubt, I wouldn't hate you."  
  
His nimble fingers brushed against her bangs and tucked some stray strands of hair, "I could never hate you."  
  
"Promise?" Ami asked.  
  
The shadow nodded, "I promise."  
  
Ami fidgeted under his gaze, her hand curled around the jewel only to go slack and let it drop.  
  
"If you really mean that than I am willing to tell you anything that you want to know, about the others, about what happened, even how we got here."  
  
'Finally, we are getting somewhere,' the shadow thought. He replied with a nod. With his acknowledgment Ami began her tale.  
  
Half way across the world another blood jewel dangled this time from a single earring instead of a necklace chain. The jewel gleamed wickedly in the dimmed moonlight. Eyes of grey, almost silver, stared out to something that seemed to be just out of his line of vision. It was midnight already. And she still hadn't come. Not that he had really expected her to; it had been months since she last showed. But it made no sense; surely she must have needed to be fed by now.  
  
Rocking back on his heels, steeling himself for yet another night of pointless waiting.  
  
A scream cut through the serene night air.  
  
A cold smirk crossed his face; maybe this night wouldn't be wasted after all.  
  
He arose to stand at the very edge of the building, his feet teetering a hair to falling forward to the unforgiving sidewalk several stories below. At his fingertips were daggers sharpened to perfection, one still holding a dark red stain. Glancing down he could see her; the gluttonous bitch had found herself a soul to feast upon. A young man whom apparently was in the wrong place at the wrong time or maybe he wanted to be caught; it was hard to tell since many natives knew that this ten mile stretch was her hunting grounds but sometimes there were some random ass whom would come just to test the rumors.  
  
Not that it really mattered, for in a way he was grateful to the fool, he had unknowingly drawn the monster out of hiding.  
  
Closing his eyes, he let go of the safety of the roof allowing gravity to take over.  
  
"Ami! Ami, wake up damnit!" the shadow hissed as he tried to shake the young woman awake.  
  
She was so hungry. It had been so long since her last feast, and here it, or rather he was standing right in front of her.  
  
"Are you lost sir?" she purred slowly, with the sweetest honey that dripped in a sultry smooth tone all but dripping from her lips.  
  
The young man turned to face her. At first his dark blue eyes drank in her nude attractive form, they always did, male or female; humans were so damn easy to control when they were faced with a pretty body and face. She smiled broadly. The eyes of lust suddenly widened in fear. Ah so he already knew the danger that he was in, good boy."  
  
She licked her fangs; she would not go hungry tonight.  
  
She couldn't stop shivering, so cold. Why was she freezing? And why wouldn't her eyes open? She could hear the shadow calling her name but the vision refused to let her go. Every time she would try to fight back and resurface into consciousness literal claws would manifest themselves and draw her back in. Unable to escape Ami resigned herself to at least take note of what was happening around her. Finding herself trapped within an alleyway she could see a naked young woman whom was quickly closing in on a frightened young man.  
  
Her dark blue eye widened as she noticed that the woman wore a bright red bow in her long blonde hair.  
  
Mina..?  
  
He had her now. The dagger danced on his fingertips before he flicked his wrist back, firing it into the bitch's back. It landed on target with a sicking squish. She screamed, tossing her head back while her hands blindly sought out the blade. A cold smirk lift his lips, even if she could find it in time the blessed blade could only be withdrawn by his hand. He was so absorbed in the morbid beauty of the dying vampire that he almost didn't see the other woman until he saw her clasp her hands on the blade.  
  
At first he thought that he was seeing things. The woman looked so much like.no it couldn't be; she died a long time ago. And if she were alive she wouldn't be stopping him from making his kill.  
  
He gritted his teeth in frustration, whoever this woman was she was in his way.  
  
Digging another dagger out he effortlessly flicked his wrist to send the blade flying at the woman's head.  
  
It flew in the air for a just a few seconds before it collided but not with the woman's skull but an open hand held out from the ally wall.  
  
Notes: Yes I know, more confusion and no answers in sight as of now but I promise that things will become clearer. I'll try to update soon but I have a huge super important paper due in school so it might be a while. Thanks for reading. Until next time.Peace ^_^ 


End file.
